


Break My Heart

by DarnItTumbleweed



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Kidnapping, Miscarriage, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-08
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:02:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29918004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarnItTumbleweed/pseuds/DarnItTumbleweed
Summary: Reid broke her heart to protect her. Two years later she comes back into this life thanks to a new case and Reid is forced to face the pain he caused. When the case goes south and he finds himself abducted with the woman he hurt the most, Reid and Y/N are forced to talk about the reasons why they broke up and the pain that was left behind.
Relationships: Spencer Reid/Reader
Kudos: 34





	Break My Heart

She would try to pretend that she knew this was coming, but to be honest it was more of a surprise than it should be, all things considering.

Y/N guessed she had just always believed that their love was strong enough to survive anything. She had falsely believed that whatever the problem was Spencer Reid and her loved one another enough to fight for this; to fight for each other.

It should have been so obvious though, that this was the only solution. They had been so miserable for so long now; this was the obvious choice.

It didn’t make it hurt any less.

Things had been so wonderful at first. Their first meeting had felt like a dream come true. He’d felt like her prince charming. He’d felt like he was too good to be true. He’d certainly felt too good for her.

She’d been feeling so lost as she’d made her way through the BAU bullpen a cardboard box in hand. This was such a huge career move for her. She knew she was lucky to be here. She was only a probationary agent, so the chance to work under the agents at the BAU was a blessing. She was determined to give it her all. She was going to give it 110% and prove that she was capable of learning from the best.

She couldn’t help but to feel intimidated though. She almost felt like a child on her first day of school staring up at the big kids praying she could find her classroom all by herself.

She felt humiliated as she collided with him so easily knocking her box from her hands and his files.

They’d both dropped down to their knees she cursing the cheap cardboard box she’d been using and her own lack of attention to what was right in front of her. This was the perfect way to show everyone she was unaware of her surroundings. She was starting off on the worst foot possible.

He’d been so kind to her helping her gather her things reassuring her as the apologies spilled from her.

He spoke as he helped her gather her things grabbing a roll of tape off a nearby desk and taping her poor cardboard box back together “Let me help.”

She’d stared up at her savior her cheeks flushing wondering how pathetic she must look. She really was doing a poor job of proving her capabilities

He gave her a soft smile as he managed to tap her box back together and started to help her gather her belongings.

She returned his smile the words spilling from her. “Thank you so much, you’re a life saver. This is so humiliating.”

“It’s no problem, really. I run into people all the time. It was my fault really, I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He exclaimed his eyes meeting hers.

She couldn’t help but to feel breathless as she stared at him. It wasn’t fair for someone to be so handsome. He wasn’t handsome in the traditional sense of course, at least she was sure her friends wouldn’t look at him and think total babe. He had distinct dark circles under his eyes hinting rest was a rarity for him and the cardigan he wore was a bit raggedy hinting it had seen better days. His eyes were perfect though, she felt like she could melt in those honey eyes forever. He had an almost sweet boyish charm to him, a cute boyband thing going for him mixed with an academic.

Little did she know he was just as entranced by her. He spoke needing to say anything to keep her by his side just a little longer, anything to stop her from pulling from him and becoming just another lost opportunity. He picked up a book from the pile of belongings that had fallen from her box. “You like to read?”

He cursed himself for asking such a dumb question. Of course she liked to read, why would she have a book if she didn’t read it?

She felt her cheeks flush as she spoke holding up the heavy book. “Yes, but I don’t get to do as much of it as I’d hope to. I just started that one. _War and Peace,_ I’m trying to follow this list I found, it basically lists 100 books you need to read before you die. I haven’t gotten very far down the list to be honest. I keep stopping and restarting that book. It’s a lot to get into.”

Reid felt the words leave him before he could stop them. “Oh, I’m familiar with this novel. I’ve read it a couple of times in the English version and then a couple of times in Russian. I’m thinking about reading the Korean translation next.”

He felt his cheeks flush fearing he’d come across as though he was bragging. It wasn’t his intention at all.

He spotted the dumbfounded look on her face as he spoke again clearing up his statement. “I can read 20,000 words per minute. So, yeah, I get a lot of reading done.”

He was shocked by the laugh that left her as she soaked in his statement. This must be Dr. Reid…she’d heard about him around the FBI. The man was some kind of prodigy handpicked by the former Special Agent Gideon and trained to be the best of the best the BAU had to offer. She hadn’t thought the famous Dr. Reid would be this easy on the eyes. “Wow, Lucky, if I could read that fast I would have gotten through this list a long time ago.”  
Reid found his chance quick to speak up. “Do you have the list on you? I’m curious to see how many of the books I’ve read on it.”

She pulled out her phone it not taking her long to pull it up and hand her phone over to him. She couldn’t stop herself from laughing again as he spoke after only a few seconds of glancing at it. “Oh yeah, I’ve read most of these. If you haven’t read _The Call of the Wild_ yet then I suggest that one for your next book.”

She spoke a small smile crossing her lips. “I’ll keep that in mind….”  
Reid cleared his throat it quickly hitting him they hadn’t exchanged names. “My name is Spencer by the way, Dr. Spencer Reid…uh, y-you don’t have to call me doctor though.”

She’d given him a small smile not helping but to love how bashful he seemed over the instance that she didn’t need to address him by dr. “It’s nice to meet you Spencer. I’m Y/N Y/L/N.”

Before they had time to continue Hotch approached the pair his face as serious as always. “Reid I can see you’ve already met our newest team member. Agent Y/L/N if you can join me in my office we can go over your paperwork and then I can do an official introduction to the rest of the team.”

Reid and she exchanged one more small smile the both of them not helping but to wonder if this was fate.

It had felt like fate. They’d begun spending more and more time together and before she’d known it they were a couple.

It had felt like it was meant to be. Or at least she had thought it was meant to be.

Lately it didn’t feel like fate, lately he seemed so distant.

It seemed that the more she tried to pull him back to her the further he pulled from her.

She didn’t understand it. In the past he’d been able to talk to her about whatever was troubling him. They used to talk about everything and anything. They talked about the future and the past and their hopes and dreams.

Now though, it seemed that her attempts to get him to open up to her just resulted in arguments and tension that wouldn’t resolve. He seemed to be drifting further and further away. Soon he began to cancel dates and he seemed to brush off her attempts at affection.

They’d had such an affectionate relationship. Despite his reputation for being touch avert, he’d always seemed to crave her touch and wouldn’t hesitate to seek it out. Lately though he seemed to resist her attempts to reach for him. His kisses were brief and his hugs felt halfhearted. He didn’t initiate intimacy any longer. She had tried so hard to get him interested. It was normal all her friends had assured her, sometimes sex could get stale and guys could become disinterested. It happened with a lot of couples once the honeymoon stage fizzled out. She just had to find a way to spice things up. She had bought lingerie, she had tried to give him massages, she had practically thrown herself at him more than once. He always shut it down though, he would claim exhaustion and it left her feeling that perhaps he just didn’t desire her anymore. They’d only made love a handful of times over the past two months and even then he seemed so disconnected. It felt like as soon as it ended he couldn’t wait to get away from her. It no longer felt like making love. It seemed so unemotional as though they just went through the motions. He didn’t even cuddle her afterwards anymore.

He almost seemed cold towards her.

It just felt like they were going through the motions. They were each moving along pretending that everything was okay. They were ignoring the fact that they were falling apart. Y/N felt like she was kicking and scraping and fighting for them and Reid just seemed like he didn’t care anymore. He seemed like he’d just checked out completely.

He’d begun taking trips as well, ones he said were for work. She knew that they weren’t though. She had made the mistake of bringing up all those out-of-town visits for work to JJ, Garcia, and Emily one night at girls’ night and had been shocked to learn that Reid hadn’t left for any out of state conferences. Emily had made it clear that she hadn’t sent Reid to speak at any out of town conferences on the FBI’s behalf. The BAU girls had tried to reassure her of course, but Y/N realized he’d been lying to her for months now, he’d been lying.

She could admit she had feared that perhaps there was another woman, it would explain his distance and all the trips and his lack of interest in being intimate with her. She didn’t want to believe it though, Reid wouldn’t hurt her like that, he’d never hurt her in that way. Reid wasn’t the cheating kind. 

She would like to believe that in the years they’d been together that he wouldn’t stray from her.

She had hoped that Reid’s invitation to a day spent at the park would be a sign that he was ready to open up to her, maybe he had realized he was pulling away, maybe he was ready to fight for them.

She was so tired of being the only one fighting.

The morning had seemed tense he had seemed to brush off her attempts to hold his hand as they made their way through the park the cool autumn air chilling them to the bone.

They stopped at a bench they both taking a seat they both sitting in silence for a long while.

Reid was the one to finally break the silence his voice tight. “We should probably talk.”

“We should…you’ve seemed…different lately, it’s like you’re so far away. It just, it feels like we’re on different frequencies. It’s felt that way for a few months now.” Y/N stated hoping that this would be the start to something good. She had to hope they could talk this all out and agree to fix this. There had to be a way to fix them.

“Yeah, I know….I just, I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.” Reid replied not daring to look at her keeping his eyes locked straight ahead taking in the changing color of the leaves. He’d always loved autumn in DC, but lately he hadn’t found the same enthusiasm for it.

Y/N sighed seeing this as her chance she reached out for him her hand placing over his. “You can talk to me about it Spencer. That’s what I’m here for.”

Reid pulled his hand from hers shoving them in his coat pocket her heart twisting at the action. She could remember a time when he’d been the one to reach for her touch. He spoke his voice a bit harsh. “That’s not your place. It’s not your job to talk about my feelings. You aren’t my therapist.”

She cringed at the statement trying to keep her cool. They’d had this talk once before and it had only dissolved into a fight. He would get defensive and it would blow up into a huge fight where he’d express his discomfort. He would accuse her of prodding at him and profiling him which would just in turn anger her. It was always a disaster.

She was so sick of fighting. “I know that. I’m your girlfriend though. That’s part of being in a relationship Spencer. We should be able to open up to each other about things that are troubling us.”

Reid let out a heavy sigh his jaw tightening his gaze so steely as he refused to look at her. “That’s what I’m trying to say. This relationship…it’s not working anymore.”

Y/N felt the breath leave her at his statement. She couldn’t stop herself from saying the obvious. “So that’s it then? You’re just throwing it away? What changed? Five months ago, we were talking about engagement rings…what happened? It’s like you just flipped a switch and you started pulling away.”

“I’m not throwing anything away Y/N. I’m just trying to be the sensible one here. We obviously aren’t happy. I wish I had a clear answer for you, but I don’t.” Reid stated his gaze still refusing to meet hers.

She wanted to grab his face and force him to look at her. How could he say this to her and not even look her in the eyes?

She spoke trying not to lose her cool but she felt her voice rise just a bit. “You don’t have a clear answer for me? I’ve been fighting for us for months now Spencer. I know you’ve noticed. Everytime I try to put a start towards setting things right with us you pull further and further away. I have been trying so hard to fix us. You just checked out, but I am doing everything I can to bring you back to me. I just don’t understand. I’m trying to understand, I’ve been trying so hard to understand. Why won’t you just talk to me? I want to fix this. I’ve been trying to fix this.”

“There’s no fixing it Y/N. We aren’t happy and we need to move on.” Reid sighed his bottom lip trembling he still refusing to meet her glance.

“Because you won’t try. For God’s sake, I’ve been begging you to try for so long. I’ve done everything I can think to do, I’ve begged you to talk to me, to just open up to me. I’ve begged you to just hold my hand or do anything to show me any sign you still give a shit. I’ve been trying to pull you back to me and you just push me further and further away. I just don’t understand. I’m just trying to understand. I just want to know why I’m the only one trying.” Y/N replied her eyes starting to water.

This couldn’t be happening. Why was he just throwing them away like this?

Reid let out a heavy sigh shaking his head his bottom lip still trembling his jaw still so tight. “Maybe I’m sick of you constantly pushing me for more and more. I need some space. You’re so clingy and it’s suffocating me.”

She dropped her jaw at this statement. This was so not the man she’d fallen for. Reid had never minded her tendency to be so affectionate. While other boyfriends had called her clingy, Reid had always seemed so reassured by her clinginess. He found it a sign that she adored him as much as he adored her.

She could admit she’d dated kind of shitty guys in the past. She’d been pretty open with Reid about it. Her ex boyfriends had always treated her like a basketcase. They’d told her she was damaged goods, a broken mess that they just put up with. Reid had always reassured her that she wasn’t all the horrible things her exes had insisted she was. He was so fast to reassure her that she wasn’t damaged. She had loved him for that. She had firmly believed that Spencer Reid had taught her what it truly meant to be loved.

She spoke her voice weak. She was so stunned that he was saying this to her. “That isn’t true.”

Reid scoffed finding that venom in his voice again. It hadn’t become an unfamiliar tone for him to take with her lately when their fights grew more and more frequent. “It is though. Newsflash Y/N, the world doesn’t revolve around you and your need to constantly seek validation from relationships. I am so sick and tired of you constantly clinging on to me. It feels like I can’t even breathe. You’re right I am pulling away, but that’s because I can’t stand to be around you.”

He paused sinking the knife in all the more knowing the right words to hurt her. “Face it Y/N. You’re damaged goods and I can’t find the patience to take you on as a project.”

He paused swallowing the lump developing in the back of his throat forcing himself to meet her gaze ignoring the crushed look in her eyes. “I don’t love you anymore.”

Y/N felt the choked sob leave her before she could stop it.

She stood up her sorrow boiling over into rage she turned to face him glaring down at him. “Fuck you Spencer.”

She paused shaking her head. Her voice cracking as the tears came again. “I hate you. I hate you so much. I never want to see you ever again.”

And with that she turned to leave trying her best to hold her head up high and fighting the desire to stare back at him.

She hated him, she hated him so so much. How could he do this to her? Who even was he? This wasn’t the man she had thought she would spend the rest of her life with? She didn’t even know this man; this wasn’t her Spencer.

She failed to see the tears that left him as soon as she turned away. She failed to see him fall apart.

She said she hated him, but he hated himself too. This was the only way though. He would just damage her in the end. He had to hurt her to save her. It was the only way that he could protect her.

Little did he know though, he couldn’t protect her, not from everything.

…………………………………………..

Two Years Later:

Reid tried to wipe the sleep from his eyes as he made his way to into the bullpen his body aching from the short nights rest he’d managed to get on his sofa before he’d gotten the call that there was another case that needed the BAU’s immediate assistance.

He sat at the round table his brain struggling to focus on the case files that were passed around the table Emily fast to fill everyone in.

She spoke a small sigh leaving her. “I’m sorry to wake you all but the FBI field office in Norfolk is calling us in.”

“The case is that close to us?” Luke asked as he stared down at the files a look of confusion crossing his features.

“Yes, we’re actually being called in by an old friend of the BAU. She’s talked her superior into requesting our assistance personally. They are desperate for some insight from the BAU. There have been five murders over the course of the past two months, all couples…or former couples. It seems that the unsub has a special interest in going after couples who have broken up. He or she keeps them for a few weeks torturing them before finally killing them and dumping them, Most of the rage seems to be focused on the women.” Emily explained several images of the bodies that had been found thus far flashing across the screen.

She paused a heavy sigh leaving her. “The Norfolk field office has sent someone in to give us a clearer insight into this. She should arrive soon.”

She paused again her voice tight. “As I’ve said, she’d a familiar face. I’m hoping you can all stay focused on the case despite this.”

Reid frowned wondering why Emily’s gaze seemed to be focused on him.

He got his answer as a voice sounded out. “I’m sorry I’m late. Traffic was hell.”

He turned to face the voice his heart slamming in his chest. It had been so long. He’d thought he’d never see her again.

She had changed, then again so had he.

It shouldn’t have been a shock when he’d come in Monday two years ago after the break up to find Y/N not at her desk. It also shouldn’t have been a shock to have Emily state the obvious. “Y/N had requested a transfer out of the BAU immediately. She had requested that no one seek her out.”

Reid had felt himself squirm under the way Emily’s eyes had met him as she’d given them all this information.

He didn’t know how much Y/N had told her, and to this day he had never really gotten a full story out of Emily. He had a feeling she knew though, he had a feeling they all knew what had driven Y/N away from the BAU.

The Y/N standing here in front of them seemed so different from that heartbroken girl who had stormed away from him that day in the park. Her hair was darker now and she’d cut it. She stood a little taller in a pair of nice heels. She seemed to radiate confidence.

Reid wasn’t shocked as JJ and Garcia both enveloped Y/N in hugs followed by Rossi. Reid kept still in his seat unwilling to move a muscle.

Garcia spoke her voice so frantic. “You’ve been so close all this time?”

Y/N chuckled shaking her head. “Yep, I couldn’t stray too far I guess. It’s been a change from DC, but I like Chesapeake. It’s a gorgeous city.”

She paused clearing her throat so easily sliding back into a professional tone of voice her eyes refusing to meet Reid’s. “And because it’s a gorgeous city we would prefer to keep it that way, the Norfolk field office and I are requesting your help. These cases, the violence inflicted on these victims is brutal. I knew that the BAU needed to be involved the second the case file crossed my desk. My supervisor agrees and given my familiarity with the BAU he’s asked me to personally assist you all in any way you need.”

Emily nodded her head sending Reid one more small glance making him feel as though she was warning him. “Understandable. Wheels up in 30.”

……………………………………………….

The energy in the SUV on the way to the Norfolk offices was tense to say the least. Y/N twisted in her seat sitting in the back of the black SUV gave her such a sense of déjà vu.

The girl she’d been the last time she’d sat in a car like this by a member of the BAU seemed like she was so far away.

It had been hard restarting, recreating herself. She had felt miserable at first. There had been days where she hadn’t wanted to get out of bed, then more tragedy had fallen upon her.

If it wasn’t for her nightly phone calls to Emily she might have not made it those first few months.

She’d appreciated Emily keeping her location a secret all this time, even when Y/N had stopped calling her. She had felt guilty for pulling away, but she had to destroy the final link she had to the BAU and the life she was trying to move on from.

She could sense his eyes on her back at the BAU. She’d sensed them from the moment she’d walked into the conference room. She chose to ignore it though. He didn’t have the right to look upon her anymore. He’d given up that right the second he’d broken her.

She had finally put herself back together and she wasn’t letting him destroy her again.

She kept her head held up high as she glanced out the window watching the scenery pass by. She’d grown a lot since Reid. She was a stronger person. She wasn’t damaged.

She continued to keep her gaze outside the window as JJ spoke apparently sensing the tension and trying to break it. “So, you said you like Chesapeake Y/N?”

She smiled nodding her head hating to admit she’d missed the BAU women, but she had to shed all the old parts of her life to heal. She couldn’t cling to the past if she wanted to heal. “I do. It took a while to settle in, but I feel at home there. I’ve made some connections there. I like my job, I’ve made some friends. I even got a dog. It’s home.”

JJ nodded her head her voice soft. “I’m happy to hear it…I was worried when you…you know.”

Y/N avoided meeting JJ’s eyes knowing what JJ was implying. She cleared her throat having no idea how to approach this and stay calm. “I know, I’m okay though. I’m good.”

JJ felt her stomach twist unable to stop herself from saying it. “We all knew why you left. I…I’m sorry.”

“It’s the past. We can’t change it.” Y/N replied not wanting to get into this, not here. She wanted to make it through this case without having to face this.

“I know. I just, it’s been hard. We were all worried. I just wish you’d stayed in touch. We understood why you pulled away but that didn’t make it any easier. It’s been hard for everyone, even Spence. I know things ended bad between you but…” JJ admitted not having a chance to continue her statement as Y/N spoke. “No offense, but I really don’t want to discuss him.”

Y/N resisted the urge to scoff as she mulled over JJ’s comment. Things had been hard for him? JJ apparently didn’t know just how cruel Reid had been when he’d shattered her heart.

She took a deep breath trying to keep her cool. It was the past; she couldn’t change it. She couldn’t stop her tone from going cold though. “I would prefer not to discuss my past relationship with him. With all due respect Jennifer, that’s a piece of my past I’d prefer to avoid speaking about. I’ve moved on with my life. Don’t tell me how hard things were for him when you have no concept of how hard it was for me.”

JJ widened her eyes a bit thrown off by the harshness in Y/N’s voice. She suddenly felt shitty for bringing this up. Of course, it was painful.

It was hard though. She’d watched her two best friends fall apart. Y/N didn’t realize all the things that had happened since she’d left.

Then again, did JJ blame her? She was hurting. She seemed to still be hurting judging by the harsh tone in her voice. JJ knew it was best not to bring it up. It was clear that there was still so much pain there. JJ knew as badly as she wanted, she couldn’t fix her best friends hearts.

Y/N stared out the window trying to calm her breathing. It was fine, she was going to be fine. This case would end and then they could all go back to the BAU and she could continue to move on with her life without Reid.

…………………………………………………………………

Of course, Y/N had found it impossible to avoid Reid at the Norfolk field office. She did her best to not speak to him though.

She might have to tolerate his presence but she wasn’t going to speak to him.

Sure, it was immature but she wasn’t going to put herself through actually speaking to him. He didn’t deserve it.

She cringed as she stood in front of the board her eyes scanning over crime scene photos her head aching.

The case seemed to be dragging on and on and they were struggling to find a link between these victims and the Unsub. There was no idea of how the unsub had even managed to target couples who had broken up.

There had been as suspicion that he might be using social media to track them down. It had seemed that the couples had overshared their breakups on their Facebook profiles. That was the only link they may have found so far. The pages were public though, so anyone could have come across them.

So far it felt like they were hitting dead end after dead end.

It was so frustrating. She could feel her superior’s disapproving gaze the longer this went on. She had been the one who had suggested bringing the BAU in on this. If they failed to figure this case on her supervisor wouldn’t forget the failure.

She kept her head held up high as Garcia’s voice sounded out she coming in through Emily’s cell phone. “Okay kids gather around.”

She paused giving everyone time to come closer. “So, I may have found a link between all these victims. It should not have taken me this long to notice it and I feel like a giant moron for not spotting it sooner, no fears though my fine furry friends because Garcia figured it all out.”

Y/N felt her lips twist having missed Garcia’s eccentricities. There was no one like Penelope Garcia and Y/N never wanted there to be. Garcia was one of a kind.

Garcia spoke again. “So, I looked back at the bank statements for all of our victims and after a ton and I do mean a ton of combing through statements, I found one common link. They all visited couples’ counselors. They all went to the same mental health care clinic for couples counseling months before calling it quits.”

Emily spoke a small frown crossing her features. “Did they all see the same counselor?”

“No, it doesn’t look like it. They did all go to the same clinic though.” Garcia stated.

Reid spoke nodding his head. “It is possible that our unsub works at the clinic, even if our unsub isn’t a counselor chances are, they might be familiar with the type of counseling that takes place at this clinic. It may be worth speaking with the staff.”

Y/N shifted in place still refusing to meet his gaze. She spoke hating that she was having to agree with him. “Dr. Reid may have a point. We don’t have any other link between the victims. Perhaps the unsub isn’t finding out about the failed relationships through social media like we had assumed. Maybe he or she is finding out on the job.”

Reid spoke ignoring the way his gut twisted at the way she said his name. She no longer referred to him as Spencer or even Reid. It was all so cold and impersonal now. “Perhaps this unsub is targeting these victims because they perceive their break ups as an insult. If the unsub is working in this clinic then they are aware that these victims are attempting to mend their relationships. Maybe he sees taking these couples as an attempt to continue the counseling.”

“The unsub counsels them by killing them? Doesn’t that seem counterproductive?” Luke asked Reid letting out a soft sigh shaking his head.

“The unsub kills them when it becomes clear that they aren’t reconciling.”

Y/N sighed hating that she was once again having to speak but she kept her mind focused on the case. “We’ve seen that the unsub is focusing most of the torture on the female victims. The unsub seems to want the male victims to watch their ex girlfriend’s endure pain. The Medical Examiner says judging by decomposition and liver temps that it’s likely that the female victims were killed first. This unsub wants to send a message to the male victims. Either the unsub wants to punish these women or they feel that the best way to punish the men is to make them see the women they once loved endure pain. It is possible that this unsub sees something in these couples that hits too close to home.”

“It’s a place to start. We need to look at employees that have a history of a bad break up…maybe a painful divorce or a relationship that grew violent enough for the police to be brought in. Y/N is right. This unsub sees something in these couples that brings up some bad memories.” Emily replied speaking into her cell knowing Garcia was already starting the background check.

Garcia was fast to speak confirming this. “Alright, I’ll hit you up the second I find something, Garcia out.”

Y/N ignored Reid’s gaze on her as she walked away from the group her head still aching.

She made her way to the breakroom finding a bottle of water. She was going to make it through this, she had to make it through this.

She cringed as the last person she wanted to see entered the room. Reid stood aside trying to work up his nerve.

He’d been mulling over the words for days now.

He took a deep breath as he approached her needing to say it. “I know I don’t have a right to really speak to you, not after what I did to you.”

“You’re right you don’t.” Y/N snapped her grip on the plastic water bottle tightening.

Reid cringed nodding his head. “I deserve your anger.”

She scoffed at this shaking her head parroting Reid’s words all those years ago. “The world doesn’t revolve around you Dr. Reid.”

She paused shaking her head her voice tense. “You have no right. You don’t get to come in here and try to play nice with me. Not after what you did. Don’t try to act like you didn’t break my heart.”

“I know I did; I understand what I did. I just, I want to explain why.” Reid pleaded with her.

She scoffed at this as he moved closer to her, she moving far from him. “You had your chance to explain why two years ago. I gave you the chance to fix us and all you did was hurt me. You hurt me in the worst way you could find. I loved you, I imagined a life with you and you just threw me away so heartlessly. You don’t get another chance to explain shit.”

She stormed away from him Reid feeling his heart twist. He wanted to tell her why he had to do what he did.

She wouldn’t hear it though. Maybe she was right, maybe he didn’t get another chance.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

Garcia found the information. She’d narrowed it down to a few possible contenders for their unsub.

Y/N was sure that if there was a god he was taunting her because lucky her wound up paired up with Reid.

It wasn’t ideal and Emily had seemed to second guess it, but Y/N’s superior was apparently getting sick of staying on the side lines and was now barking out orders too.

So, Y/N had wound up pared with Reid.

It was well after midnight as they made their way to their possible unsub’s property. The man lived outside of the city which meant the drive was long.

Y/N was thankful that Reid didn’t try to spend the ride making another attempt to bring up the conversation they’d had in the breakroom.

She was so exhausted. She just wanted this to end.

She felt a groan of frustration leave her as the car pulled to the side a tell-tell sign of a flat tire. This day couldn’t get any worse.

She pulled over Reid speaking his voice soft. “There should be a spare in the back.”

She said nothing as she got out of the car heading towards the trunk. Reid at least managed to grab the spare tire for her she finding the tire jack and appropriate tools.

She frowned as headlights shone upon them a car making its way down the dark empty road.

It pulled over the drivers door rolling down. “You folks alright?”

“We have a flat. We should be fine. We have a spare thanks.” Y/N remarked ignoring the feeling of dread hitting her stomach.

She tried to push it aside turning her back and focusing on the flat tire sure that their guest would move along once he saw that they had this situation under control.

She felt her blood run cold as the car opened and she heard the familiar click of a gun. “That’s a shame. Your night is about to get a whole lot worse.”

She and Reid turned to face him his face becoming clear now that he was outside of the safety of his car.

It was the man they had been on the way to question. This night couldn’t get worse.

He nodded to Reid throwing zip ties their way. “Ditch the guns and your cell phones. Tie her wrists and then your own. Pull any funny business and I blow her brains out.”

She closed her eyes dread hitting her. This really was a nightmare.

……………………………………………………………………………………………..

They had been drugged the man had wasted no time to pull a syringe out the second they’d been tied. He’d kept the threat to not pull anything smart telling them he was a good shot if either of them tried to run he’d shoot one of them.

Reid felt his vision remain blurry even as he opened his eyes. Part of him wanted to believe it had all been some horrible dream but his surroundings made it clear that this was no dream.

They were in a basement somewhere. Reid felt his blood run cold as it hit him that he was alone in the room tied to a chair.

Where was Y/N? What had happened to her? Oh, God please let her be okay.

He felt the breath leave his body as he heard a cry from someone in the house. He felt his blood run cold as it hit him it was a woman. Was it Y/N?

He got his answer as the door to the basement swung open Y/N being shoved down the stairs almost losing her balance she stumbling as she moved.

Reid felt bile rise in the back of his throat at the sight of her. She had been beaten. Her body was black and blue. She struggled to move her wrists tied behind her back tightly.

She fell to the floor as she reached the bottom stair the unsub delivering a quick kick to her ribs Reid struggling in place trying to fight to get to her.

The unsub spoke spitting at her. “Stand up.”

Y/N remained on the ground too weak to move. He spoke again delivering another kick she crying out. “Stop crying.”

Reid spoke still fighting against his bounds. “Leave her alone.”

“Shut up, she’s here because of you.” The unsub snapped as he reached down pulling Y/N from the ground shoving her towards a chair wasting no time to tie her in place.

Reid stared at her trying to meet her gaze trying to get her to focus on him. He tried to send her a look of reassurance. The team would find them. They knew where Reid and she had been headed. They just had to put the pieces together and they’d find them. They just had to hold on a little while longer.

The unsub spoke an amused laugh leaving him. “Imagine my surprise when the two agents I picked up on their way to question me just so happened to be a couple…or well a former couple.”

Reid frowned fighting against his bounds how did he know that. The unsub shook his head. “I found the photos in your wallet. I questioned the little lady here and she told me that you two were no longer an item. Of course it took some convincing to get to open up. It’s amazing what a few beatings can drive out of someone.”

Reid spoke his voice tight. “Leave her out of this. I’m the one who broke up with her. If anyone should be harmed it should be me.”

The unsub chuckled at this shaking his head. “See that’s where you’re wrong. The best way to hurt you is to hurt her. I think those photos of her in your wallet tell me that much. You are still hung up on her. This is your lucky day though. We’re gonna talk this all out. One way or another.”

Reid spoke his voice tense. “What about the others? Did they not talk it out?”

The unsub scoffed shaking his head. “They were too far gone. You two, you have hope. Those photos are proof of that. Remember though, if I don’t feel like you’re being honest with me then I’ll make her suffer for it.”

Reid spoke trying to put on a brave face knowing he was playing a dangerous game but he had to say something. He had to keep the unsub talking before he had a chance to harm Y/N more. “Leave her alone. Take it out on me. Hurt me. Leave her alone. This is all on me, the breakup was my fault. You killed those couples because they were unsavable. Y/N did nothing wrong. It was all my fault and she doesn’t have to forgive me. I was the one who broke up with her. If you’re going to kill someone it should be me. If you’re going to kill me then by all means…”

The unsub shook his head calling Reid’s bluff interrupting him before he had a chance to continue. “That isn’t how this works. You know it Dr. Reid.”

He spoke again reaching down and grasping the back of Y/N’s hair forcing her to look up her eye so blackened it was almost swollen shut. “The little lady has something to tell you. Go on talk to him. Tell him what you told me.”

Y/N cringed her throat hurting. The unsub had choked her when she tried to resist telling him everything. “You broke my heart. I loved you and you broke me.”

The unsub looked up at Reid nodding his head. “Your turn. Tell her why.”

Reid cringed turning to the unsub speaking deciding to just jump straight into what they’d found about this unsub. “Hurting her won’t bring your ex girlfriend back. Bringing couples together won’t take away the pain. We spoke to your ex. She told us everything. She said you were broken. The relationship was bound to fail because you were broken to begin with.”

Reid felt his blood run cold as the unsub pulled out a hunting knife sliding it along Y/N’s thigh deep enough to draw blood and cause pain but shallow enough to avoid her losing too much blood. “Keep talking about me and I’ll give her more cuts. Now give her your answer. Tell her why you broke her.”

Reid cringed this not being the way he’d imagined doing this. This was all his fault. “I had no choice.”

“There’s always a choice.” The unsub insisted keeping Y/N’s gaze locked on his.

Reid spoke knowing that he had to keep going. He couldn’t lie. The unsub wanted him to play this game. If he played the game he could buy them time. He could buy them enough time to be found.

“I lied that day…at the park when I told you I didn’t love you anymore. I was…I was just afraid. I’m so sorry Y/N. You, I had been keeping so much from you. You were right, I was pulling away. You tried to pull me back in and make me work on us, but I resisted.”

He paused his throat so dry his own eyes watering. “I had been taking those trips…the ones I said were for work, I’d been taking them out to see my mom. She was…she was pretty ill. The doctors thought it was just her not reacting to her meds, but it was…it’s Alzheimer’s. I…I was so afraid. I saw my future looking at my mother. I couldn’t, I couldn’t force you into a future where the day might come that I might not even remember your name or anything about the love we shared.”

Y/N spoke her own eyes still watering. “You could have told me.”

“I know, I know. Trust me. I was an idiot. I just, I thought I was protecting you.” Reid insisted.

Y/N sighed her voice so broken. “That wasn’t your choice to make.”

“I know, If I could take it all back I would. I just I told myself that I couldn’t destine you to a future of taking care of me in that way. I couldn’t expect you to do that. I thought I’d escaped the chance of developing schizophrenia. I thought I was out of the woods and then this new monster crept up on me. I was afraid of what I might become. So, I-I hurt you to make sure you didn’t stay. I said the worst thing I could imagine saying to you because I knew it would push you away.” Reid explained shame washing over him as he remembered his words to her.

The unsub was fast to speak making her recall the words. “What did he say?”

Y/N cringed recalling them. “That I’m damaged goods and he didn’t have the patience to take me on.”

“That is harsh. Tell him how much it hurt.” The unsub insisted Y/N cried out as he yanked her hair all the tighter forcing her to keep her gaze on Reid’s.

Y/N spoke the words falling from her. “I didn’t want to get out of bed most days. I fell apart. I was miserable.”

“Give him details, come on sweetheart, don’t be shy.” The unsub insisted.

Y/N shook her head resisting the action earning her another slice to her thigh.

Reid spoke trying to get through to her. “It’s okay, Y/N look at me, you have to talk. Please. Just tell me.”  
Y/N cried out wanting to fight it. This was her story, she didn’t have to tell him.

She let out another cry as the grip on her hair grew all the tighter. “I’m losing my patience little lady. Talk or I’ll up the ante. You saw what I did to all those other girls. Do you really want to go through what I did to them?”

Y/N closed her eyes forcing the words from her lips. “It got bad. I-I ran away. I asked Emily for the transfer. I, things didn’t get better once I got here though. I, oh God…I was pregnant Spencer. I didn’t know, we were going to have a baby.”

Reid felt his blood run cold at the words. She was pregnant. She was carrying his baby.

She spoke again forcing her eyes to open. “I was going to keep it from you. I told myself, I told myself that you…you were so horrible to me when we broke up, that you’d be just as horrible this kid. I was prepared to go through it all alone. I know that’s horrible. You always talked about how hard it was growing up being abandoned by your dad…You always told me that when you had kids it was going to be different. I am so sorry. I was going to give our kid that same fate…I was going to make you do the one thing you promised you’d never do. I was going to make you abandon a baby you didn’t even know about.”

“Then what happened?” The unsub forced it from her Y/N wanting to shut down again but she forced her eyes to keep on Reid’s the words leaving her.

“I had a miscarriage. I, I lost it. I’m so sorry Spencer. The doctors called it a spontaneous miscarriage. I was so alone. I was all alone. I wanted you but you didn’t want me.”

Reid spoke needing to say the words. “You have nothing to apologize for Y/N. I should be the one apologizing. I’m so sorry baby, I’m so so sorry. I should have been there. I should have been there for you. I lost you due to my own stupidity. I put you in a position where you had to go through that all alone.”

She sobbed at his words Reid keeping his eyes on her trying to reassure her. “I would take everything back if I could. I would do anything to take it all back.”

The unsub spoke nodding his head. “That’s enough for today I think. I’m gonna give you two a break. You’re doing well. You should be pleased. I think we’re making some serious progress here.”

Reid spoke as the unsub pulled away from Y/N she slumping in the chair. “Please, treat her wounds. She could get an infection. Don’t leave her like this.”

“I’ll consider it, maybe in our next session tomorrow.” The unsub insisted he already pulling from the room heading back up the stairs.

Reid called out to him pleading with him but he was met with silence.

He stared at Y/N his voice reassuring. “Look at me Y/N, look at me.”

She barely had the energy to lift her head up trying her best to look at him. He spoke needing her to hear the words. “We are going to get out of here. Okay, we just have to hang on a little longer. The team will track us down. Just hang on for me.”

He felt his heart ache as she bowed her head sobs still leaving her. He fought against his restraints wishing he could reach out to her. He wanted to pull her against him and reassure her.

This was all his fault. None of this would be happening if it wasn’t for him.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

The crash upstairs woke them both they holding their breaths at the noise. Could it be? Could they be safe now?  
Reid felt his blood run cold as the basement door kicked open, he holding his breath unsure if it would be their unsub or salvation.

He let out a cry he hadn’t realized he was holding in as he got his answer.

Luke rushed towards him fast to speak. “We’re gonna get you outta here Reid. We’ve already called an ambulance.”

Reid spoke nodding to Y/N. “She needs help. Let her out first please.”

Y/N had been weak all morning. She barely was able to respond to Reid’s words. He’d tried to talk to her, tried to keep her alert.

He’d even recited War and Peace to her but she remained so dazed. It was clear the beating she’d endured was having an effect on her body.

Luke called upstairs his voice frantic. “We need EMT down here!”

Reid spoke his voice just as frantic. “Did you get him?”

“We got him, we got him alive.” Luke insisted Reid letting out a shaky breath. They were safe.

They were going to be safe.

…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

The beeping was what woke her. It was soft and rhythmic.

She was unfamiliar with her surroundings at first all she could focus on was the overwhelming abundance of white in the room.

She turned her head spotting the IV pole it hitting her. Hospital. She was in a hospital.

She tried to sit up but found herself too weak to move.

She heard his voice frantic with worry. “Don’t move, stay still. You’re still weak.”

She turned her face surprised to see Reid sitting by her side he looking pretty rough but in far better shape than her.

He shifted in place almost afraid she’d scream at him to leave her room. He’d probably deserve it a harsh voice in the back of his head insisted.

“How long have I been out?” She asked her voice scratchy her throat so dry.

“Hours now. You slept through the night and most of the morning. They gave you a lot of pain meds so it’s not shocking.” Reid insisted reaching for a glass of water making sure it had a straw as he lowered it down for her.

She took a drink desperate for some thing to wet her dry throat. She managed a thank you as she finally allowed Reid to pull the glass from her.

He sat it beside her so unsure of what to say or do. What did you say in a moment like this?

He was surprised as she reached out for his hand almost afraid it would be like the last time she’d reached out for his touch. She cringed at the memory of him denying her his touch.

Reid took her hand in his squashing that memory. He spoke needing to say the words. “I meant everything I said to you back there. Everything about why I did what I did, it was all true. I was an idiot. I know it wasn’t my choice to make. I just, I was so scared. I love you so much. I was scared I was preordaining you to a life of misery. I know it wasn’t my decision to make. I made it for you and I would take it back if I could.”

“You can’t take it back.” She pointed out the words making his heart drop.

She soaked in his words. He’d said _love_ not loved.

She spoke her voice soft. “I’m sorry I never told you about the pregnancy or the miscarriage.”

“How could you feel safe to tell me. I destroyed your trust in me. I was horrible to you when I broke your heart. I chose to do it in a way that I knew would force you to never want to open up to me ever again about anything.” Reid insisted not wanting to her to take any blame for what had happened.

He’d made the bed and she’d been the one who had to lie in it.

She spoke her voice soft. “Where do we go from here?”

Reid spoke hesitant to say the words. “I know I can’t expect you to take me back. I, It wouldn’t be fair to ask that of you. We can’t go back.”

He paused clearing his throat. “I know there’s no going back to what we had. We can’t build on something that’s broken. We can start again though. We can build again, start on a new foundation.”

He paused again fearing that she would reject him. He would deserve it a voice in the back of his brain insisted.

The words that left her took him by shock. “As long as you promise me one thing.”

She spoke again a sigh leaving her. “We don’t do couples counseling.”

Reid felt the laugh leave him he shaking his head. It was good to see she’d still retained her sense of humor.

“I promise, no counselors…no couples counseling at least. We should probably talk to therapists separately though. I know I need to. I need to be a better person not just for you but for me too.”

He paused daring to press a kiss to the top her hand as she spoke. “True…We have to be open with each other though. No pulling away, no making decisions about the relationship without each other. And we’re taking it slow. I’m not moving back to DC…not yet. If we’re doing this then you’ll have to do it on my terms. I think you owe me that much.”

“I do. I agree. I’ll do whatever it takes.” He insisted already knowing she had a point. They had to take it slow. They had to start completely over.

She paused her eyes locking with his. “I wasn’t lying Spencer. It was bad…It took me a long time to build myself back up again. I can’t go through that again.”

“You won’t have to. I know it’s going to take a lot of work. I know it’s going to take a long time to rebuild that trust. I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I am deserving of this second chance though.” Reid insisted.

She nodded her head her voice soft. “Don’t break my heart again. Please. I can’t, I don’t think I can heal again. I can’t go through all of that again.”

“I won’t, I swear I won’t. I will never make you go through that again.” He insisted his hand keeping clasped with hers.

He kept her hand in his as he watched her fall back to sleep. He kept his eyes on her his throat tight tear of relief falling from him.

He was getting a second chance. She was giving him a second chance. He knew there was so much to say between them. They had so much to talk about. They’d been through so much these past two years, things they hadn’t even managed to broach.

They could talk about it though. She was right, he couldn’t pull back from her, not this time.

He knew it would take a long time for him to win her trust again.

He was determined to work for it though. He had to be the man she deserved. He was determined to be the man she deserved.

He’d broken her heart once and it had cost him far more than he could ever imagine.

She was giving him an opportunity to start again. He didn’t intend on letting her down.


End file.
